Life Has Gone On

Since beginning the Fall semester at TX A&M CC, I have had next to no time to blog. In fact, at this moment I should probably be either writing my micro lab report or practicing music for tomorrow morning's service. I'm just gonna take the liberty to update VERY quickly.

About 2 months ago, God opened up an unexpected door to for me to lead worship music for a new church plant in Calallen. When I was first asked to consider it I almost dismissed it immediately because of my current journey of pre-nursing classes and all that entails. But then one Sunday God led me and the family to go and meet this group of people who had been meeting since June in someone's home. And to my surprise, when we left, I knew God was definitely calling me to serve there. God works in mysterious ways, I had just starting singing with the praise team at The Summit at the time. Yet, I knew I needed to veer to this "Destination Pointe." It's been almost 8 weeks now...a fun and challenging opportunity to see God move in a new and fresh way.

School? Well, don't really feel like elaborating on that too much. I'm simply pushing myself hard and diligently through; basically a full time job in itself. I am really enjoying it even though it's not easy...I am a glutton for challenges I suppose. Anatomy and Physiology isn't as difficult as I had thought it would be but Microbiology is beyond what I expected as far as a time hog. It's not even so much that it's hard as much as it is taking up a WHOLE LOT of time; lab reports and lab preparations are so tedious and feel like busy work. I guess it's all part of the journey.

I have to mention that the best part of my new school journey is the new friendships I have made. There is such diversity on campus that you can't help but be around so many different types of people with different backgrounds and life experiences. I am especially thankful for the few "study buddies" God has specifically placed in my life for "such a time as this!" God is so good and I am forever grateful!

Until next time... which might not be till Christmas break. Ha!

Change Gon' Come

Wow...so much on my mind to blog about but haven't a moment in the world to do it really! School is GREAT! Love it! learning about microbes and the inner cell life.. what could be better?!
And then.. God brought me a nice surprise that I accepted and have yet to unwrap. More to come!

I Listened

Today is one of those days I just don’t have much motivation to “do” anything.. I think it comes from knowing that tomorrow school starts for me and I know I won’t have any down time till probably after Christmas. (OH! Did I mention that my books alone cost almost $600 dollars!!!! Ahhh! That’s insane. I’m certain it did not cost that much to produce and ship those books!) Nonetheless, gonna get out and see friends, come home do some chores and then spend time with the kids with homework while I cook a scrumptious dinner.
Phil went out on a deep sea adventure today.. sure hope he has a happy one and makes his dream catch. He has been dreaming for a long time of catching that BIG ONE. He tries hard too. So, I hope it happens for him today.
Last week I managed to aligned things just right and got to go off for a good 24 hour silent retreat .. ah. Of course it wasn’t long enough but, hey, I take what I can get. Lebh Shomea House of Prayer.. just what I needed. Funny how each time I have gone I have not gotten exactly what I have wanted but I trust I have gotten what I needed. This time around I stayed in the “Big House.” It is also referred to as the Kenedy Mansion and construction of the house began in 1918.
I much prefer the simple little one person cabins but this was last minute and I was grateful just the same. Lil talks about how much she just LOVES staying in the “Big House.” So, I was looking forward to the new experience.
Time solitude with God has a way of rejuvenating me like nothing else. And in such a beautiful environment of His beautiful creation and silence practiced by all who happen to be there at the given time. I am able to hear Him so much better… imagine that… still my world of thoughts keep me quite entertained and amused at some of the silliest things…the crunch of veggies during a meal...an accidental outburst of singing and then remembering to be quiet. When it comes to not being able to sing out loud or pray out loud, that’s the hard part. Thus, I end up spending some of my time at the chapel of the Sacred Heart where I a can sing and pray out loud with no one else around… very cool. And being in this little chapel itself is amazing…just knowing how much history has taken place there with the generations of Kenedy’s and the workers who did life with them.. weddings, funeral, and countless celebrations in this quaint chapel that to this day still has much of it’s original furnishings and things.
So, what did I hear anyway? The readings on Friday morning focused on the story of Ezekiel and God restoring to life the “dead bones” of Israel and breathing His spirit of new life into the bones and fully resurrecting them. As well as, “loving the Lord God with all your heart, with all your soul and all your strength.” The latter can only happen when we have God’s spirit flowing in us. Getting to the basics of what really matters, what really counts, and what our souls really need… to be content on Christ alone and to live a life worthy of the call to serve others.
It’s so easy to get so wrapped up in “doing,” in all the other relationships around us, and in the day to day happenings that we begin to lose sight of the truth. I was asking myself where that strong longing to love others well and have mercy and compassion on the poor and needy had gone. It hadn’t left; it just needed some fresh air to get the fire raging again.
I am really at peace today knowing that I can cast every care I have on the Lord because He cares and has my best interest in mind. And I will laugh with joy when things don’t go my way because I know His way is best. AND NO, this is NOT a Pollyanna attitude.. it’s just trusting God. And no it’s not always easy but I know it is doable.
Oh ya.. and the “Big House?” Well, I think I will stick to the small cabin as I said. I don’t know.. somethin’ about staying in a huge old old mansion all alone…ya.. not so much. Thanks! :)

Listening

Nuf said.

Hitting the Brakes of Life

My mind is playing that old song by the Eagles, “Life in the Fast Lane.” But it has absolutely NOTHING to do with the lyrics of that particular song ..just the feeling of life going by sooo fast. Often I want to hit the brakes for an entire day and just journal what’s going on in life but life is on full throttle and everyone counts on me to keep it going. Ha!

The other house:
I want to give God praise for finally having mercy on us and allowing us to sell our other house in June. What a relief that has been. We really sweated owning that house for 2 ½ years!.. so on the market 3 times, 3 tenants later and much stress and upkeep…we finally sold it. Yay, yay yay!!!! Thank you JESUS! It’s a huge burden lifted off of us. Had to keep going.. no time to stop and celebrate. hahahaha

Music:
Anything Goes Band was just getting out of the garage finally and doing some gigs and it was fun. But in my heart I was not 100% in it.. my real passion is rockin’ for Jesus and worshiping Him with others through music. It’s been quite a strange mix of stuff with me and music over the past several months. Thought I might put together my own personal set list and do some coffee house gigs or restaurant gigs.. but that hasn’t quite panned out. Still singing back up for Alexis too.. but she is in Nashville songwriting for this month. I have had the honor of being asked to lead worship here and there on my own and that is always my favorite. There hasn’t seemed to be any open doors or opportunities for leading worship at our new fellowship so I have been just waiting and waiting…looking and listening. Recently, I have been invited to sing a little bit on Sunday evenings there so it does feel good to have a feeling like I am “involved” and have some part of what God is doing in the local church. ah! fun and interesting scenery on the journey..

I digress for the need to explain the complication:
Being in this “waiting room” for over 2 ½ years has caused me to question what, where, who, when and why with regards to the calling God placed on my life many years ago to pursue music ministry. I think to myself, how can I have this strong desire to lead worship through music and lead others to follow Jesus with an undivided passion, and then be placed in this holding pattern for SOOO long? I don’t want to question God because He is God…But at the same time He IS my daddy… and just like children want answers to life’s questions, this child wants to know too.. “Daddy, how come you gave me the gift of singing and playing my guitar.. then you let me experience using these gifts during several challenging years of my life as a new mommy…then you made it very clear this is what you created me for…then you pulled me out of that leadership role and now have me waiting for a very long time for the chance to use my gifts again.” (and in my human mind THIS seems to be a great time.. my kids are older and I have more time to dedicate to it)..So I am waiting and waiting and waiting.

Meanwhile, I have taken steps towards being a much better wife and mommy. But I God has wired me for taking on big challenges.. climbing that next mountain or pursuing that God size task that can only be accomplished with God size power!
So, I found out that I can get college tuition & fees paid for because of my military service.. and think, “hmmmm, perhaps I just need to go back to school and get another bachelor’s degree… what do I have to lose?”.. I figured if I tried to open the door of another career and walk through, if it wasn’t God’s plan He loves me enough to keep that door closed and locked, right? So, I’m off and running.. should I go back for a master’s in counseling? Should I pursue nursing? These are a couple of fields that have crossed my mind since graduating with my BA in communication years ago. So, I prayed about it and determined that nursing it is…After all, if I become a nurse I will then have a skill I can take onto the mission field and it’s also a career that seems will still allow me to pursue the music ministry...

So I, received acceptance at TX A&M University CC and jumped right into ……….C H E M I S T R Y!!!!! A 5 week summer session no less.. I DO NOT RECOMMEND squeezing 4 months of chemistry into 5 WEEKS of summer! Not to mention I went ahead and took the lab too. So, I’m going along.. things are workin’ out.. I’m amazed that there were no hitches! It was by no means a breeze! And then to top it off, I had to deal with my mother-in-laws illness and death towards the very last week of classes and finals. But by God’s amazing grace and my loving friends, I survived it.. even passed my Chem. Lecture with a B and Chem. Lab with a surprising A!!!
Now I am on break.. Fall semester will begin next Wed. I am registered for 11 credit hours.. A & P I, Microbiology, a lab for each of those and a History class. And I can drop it all in a sec. if I need to… would that be like stopping and emptying out the trunk?

Last night I had a some soul searching.. 1) My passion in life is worship through music and leading worship in a full time or part-time capacity (whether with my own band or the local church). 2) Pursuing nursing is only second to number one. 3) So, why am I not pursuing more education in the one I love most? 4) Am I pleasing God or man? ... studying the guages on the dash..

Daddy, God, I don’t understand your ways.. You are God and I am not. I am thankful for all you have done and are doing in my life. Did you put me in time out for something I did? Are you simply testing my faith? Well, whatever it is, I have no choice but to wait on YOU…I am yours so have YOUR way sweet Jesus!

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8,9


I’m going to hit the brakes, pull off the “fast lane,” and park for one day of dedicated prayer. Life is too short.. I want the peace of knowing I am in the center of God’s will...He is first!

Remembering Phil's Mom, Eileen Rice October. 9, 1932 - August 3, 2010

Seventeen years ago, I sat in a room filled with beautiful woman throwing a bridal shower for me here in Corpus Christi… here out on the island to be exact. Eileen was living in California and planning to come to our wedding but she couldn’t come to my bridal shower. I was so surprised to be handed a gift that she Eileen had shipped to my friends to give me…she had taken time to prepare a photo album filled with pictures of her son, Philip from birth till he left home. I was so touched. She made a great impression on me, her future daughter to be. But even more than that she knew how to express love and embrace me as her own daughter…the daughter she never had.
Ten years ago, we moved her here to Corpus Christi. It was a hard time on her having to hand over a few of her independences for her own sake. I took on the full responsibility of ensuring her needs were taken care of and that all of her affairs were in order. I can honestly say that I was not overjoyed with this new responsibility at the time and our first baby on the way. I embraced her nonetheless.
Over time she grew to trust me more and more and began to see that I genuinely cared for her and loved her. The trust she had in me was such an honor. Over the years we grew to have a very special relationship. She enjoyed being a part of our growing family and one by one each grandchild had a very special place in her heart. She loves each them so much. Her face lit up with joy upon seeing me and the kids showing up for visits. She was so proud of us and quick to share with everyone these were her grandkids I was her daughter. I loved watching how she interacted with Lindsey, Brooke and Chase. She loved chatting with them, telling stories and making them laugh. She was always a kid at heart herself…from the love she had for animals (whether real or stuffed toys) to the love she had for sweets.
She kept a positive attitude and always made people feel right at home with her charm and knack for conversation. She was quite the conversationalist. I was so blessed that she understood my sense of humor and played off of it with me. Even during the difficult and challenging times she managed to crack a joke or say something to make you smile.
Eileen and I shared a very special relationship with one another. But most importantly we shared a relationship with Christ. Nothing brought her more comfort than to read the bible and devotionals, pray together and sing songs about the love of Jesus. I have a peace knowing that she no longer has to endure the pain of this world but now dances with joy in the arms of Christ. And that sweet dimpled smile and sparkle in her eye shines more than ever for eternity. I love you, Eileen. Thank you for the honor of being your only daughter and thank you for loving me. I will miss you more than you can imagine. Enjoy your celebration in heaven my sweet mom, friend and sister in Christ. One day I will see you again and we will have many laughs together once more and share the joy of the Lord together forever! I love you Mom!
*************************************************************************************

Eileen Carol Rice, 77, went to be with her heavenly father August 3, 2010. Eileen was born in Sioux Falls, South Dakota on October 9, 1932 to Donald and Ruth Rice. She graduated from Washington High School in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Eileen was baptized and confirmed in the Lutheran faith in which she was very active. She later became very active with the Crystal Cathedral Ministry in Garden Grove California. Eileen was married to Ernest Sylvester Madland from 1960 to 1975 and worked as a secretary for most of her life. Besides working for various churches over the years, she worked for companies such as John Morrell & Co. and Auto Club of Southern Calif. However, Eileen spent most of her career working for the University of California at Irvine in the Microbiology Department from 1975 through the mid-1990’s. Eileen maintained a great sense of humor and loved to have fun. She enjoyed people and had many good close friends. She enjoyed traveling, reading, music, television, movies, sports and cooking but mostly she enjoyed taking part in church related activities and serving others whenever she could. Eileen spent her past 10 years living in Corpus Christi, TX. Eileen was the mother of two sons, Thomas Jay North (48) currently of San Antonio, TX and Philip Lee Madland (47) of Corpus Christi, TX. She had one daughter-in-law, Anna (Sylvia) Madland and three grandchildren, Lindsey, Brooke and Chase Madland all of Corpus Christi. Eileen was preceded in death by her parents, one brother, and one sister.

anna undignified: Summer 2010 Latest

anna undignified: Summer 2010 Latest

Summer 2010 Latest

Summer 2010.. has been quite interesting for me. It started out with my having some issues with my voice being hoarse. I thought it would go away because I suspected that I hurt it by yelling for the kids out at the beach and for the dog who got away at the botanical gardens. Well, many many weeks went by and it was not improving. So, I finally went to see an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor over a week ago. It was confirmed that I did hurt my vocal cords. It’s the beginning of polyps. So, I was prescribed a handful of meds and order voice rest for TWO WEEKS.. aaahhh! Does this doctor not understand that I can’t rest my voice when I’m a SINGER .. not to mention, how does the mommy of THREE small kiddos REST her voice.. I mean REALLY? Ok ok.. so I have done the best I know how. I have my follow up in a few days so I am praying that I am healed. This has been really tough on me in so many ways.
The kids have been fun since school has been out. We’ve managed the beach several times, gone to swimming pool, the aquarium and the library. Oh and forgot to mention our fun filled adventure getting thunderstormed out of our very first family camping trip...that sure was fun. But having a "stay at home and just clean or chill" day is next to impossible. My kids must be spoiled cuz they think I’m responsible for their entertainment 24/7.. I know I’m full of fun and surprises but sometimes I need to refuel eh!
I got my acceptance letter from TX A&M University to pursue my BS in Nursing.. so I’m all registered now to hit the books once again. I have a BA in Communications but why am I not working in this field? Beyond me.. maybe in the future. So, I found out a couple months ago that as a military veteran I can get my tuition & fees paid for for up to 150 hours. Wouldn’t it be silly to pass up the opportunity?! I mean, FREE education!!! I love my country! Breathing the fresh air of education as I walked the campus and halls of the university stirred up my “I love school” senses! Right now, I can hardly wait to start school again. I might feel differently in a few weeks when I’m over my head in Chemistry theories and formulas.
My mother-in-law had to have surgery again on her broken ankle. This time it was to remove the plate and screws because it got extremely infected. Then she was transferred to acute care at Kindred. I have been going to visit her and feel so bad for her because she is so helpless there. I pray the Lord heals her quickly.
Business is sooo slow in massage therapy.. across the board…so I know it’s not me. Still waiting on the Lord for that worship leader position.
That’s all I got for now.. OH OH WAIT.. Top Secret!!! Our rental house is under contract and so far the process is going smoothly. Didn’t get great offer but we sense this is a real God thing and trust the Lord will provide. It’s in your hands God!
Okie Doke. Now that’s all .. the peeps are getting restless.

anna undignified: Celebrated My Mother's Day Early

anna undignified: Celebrated My Mother's Day Early

Celebrated My Mother's Day Early

May 2, 2010
Being A Mommy
How could I ask for more today?! Today we celebrate “my” Mother’s Day! Yes, it is a week early. The thing is, God has totally come through..but of course!.. And how could I expect anything less?
Next weekend on May 7, 8 and 9, I have my reservation for my 3 day silent retreat. I am really looking forward to it. I don’t truly know what to expect.. the only sure thing I do expect is that I will be completely alone with God.. so for that I am very excited.
Lindsey, Brooke and Chase are being so gracious to celebrate me today instead of next weekend. Lindsey and Brooke already spent the morning making me Mother’s Day cards before we went to church. And this morning I woke up with the cutest, cuddliest baby boy in the world, wrapping his little arms around me.. stroking my face. He pulled my face to his with his little hands and kissed me so gently on the lips and said, “Mommy?” I said, “yes?” “When I grow up, I want to marry you.” Talk about a way to a mother’s heart. I said, “will you make a good husband?” He said, “yes, but today I want to go fishing with Daddy, Ok?” He is so funny to me.
After church service, we all had a very relaxing and fun time at Jason’s Deli. My family brings me so much joy on days like today.

Then I got to spend the afternoon reading and writing. Then they surprised me with gifts. I just love them. So, I step out of my room and there is this cute note on the floor that says, "You are going to be srprisd!" Then i go to the kitchen and the three of them pop out from hiding saying, "surprise!" There on the table was a bowl of colorful paper flowers they handmade for me, more mother's day cards (INCLUDING a card from the dog) and a "gift bag" (actually a brown paper sack) with a small stuffed toy that belonged to Brooke, a dollar and a white rock. And if that wasn't enough!!! They even made a huge bowl of strawberry jello for me. This is one of the best Mother's day I've ever had. It's the first time they all worked together with their cute little minds to show mommy love. Wow. I'm blessed beyond measure!

I Will Not Be Silent: Stirred Up To Speak My “Piece”

disclaimer to my silent solitude: sometimes the enemy thinks he can pull one over on you at just the right time..But I feel it safe to let this post out of the bag today! Take that, Satan!

I think there are many many things that grab my attention as very legitimate causes. The things that pull my heart strings the most are children without parents, children who are abused, and children who do not have their needs met. Some of the most heart wrenching circumstances involved children who have all of the above and live in a third world country. That is something I can barely even write about with out my eyes filling up with tears. And that is probably the most extreme case of a legitimate need. But I find myself burdened for even we as adults. Because hidden in almost all of us is a child who has been wounded by someone in their childhood…either emotionally, physically or sexually…an innocent victim left with scars to bare for life.

I give Jesus Christ the glory and credit for healing many of my own scars. I am also very thankful for His forgiveness when I may have acted out from my own hurts. Not that I have arrived by any means, but He has taught me the whys and the hows of my own failings. And because of the grace and forgiveness He lavishes me with, I too am able to extend forgiveness to those who have wounded me.

I say all this in advance because I do not want to be misunderstood about my response to this very hot topic. Recently, one of my favorite Christian artists who had disappeared for 8 years from the music scene came back. Not only has she come out of hiding, she also came out claiming to be in an 8 year same sex relationship. Shocking?! You bet.. Unbelievable? No, not really, considering we are all up against a very deceptive enemy. And when someone is being deceived they do not know it.. Hence, that’s why it is called deception. Not one of us is immune to the lies and temptations of Satan…Not one! However, what we choose to believe and act on is up to each of us.

I just need to get this off my chest.. I’ve never used that expression before but I think I really understand it.. It’s like when I heard this news and got the in depth details, I was knocked to the ground by a giant monster sitting on my chest! I tried to brush it off like the rest of the everyday news but it will not let go. I happen to be very burdened by this situation because of the potential it has to lead so many others astray!

When asked if she is still a Christian, her weak answer is that she is a “person of faith.” I want to make one thing very clear. I do not judge her, nor do I personally have any right to judge her. But I believe there is only ONE truth.. Jesus said, “..I am the truth.” He is the “word” and the word is God. His word is very clear on this subject as well as many others. I’m just sticking to this one for this purpose. The bottom line here is not whether homosexuality is sin or not a sin. That has already been answered in the bible. Notice the words, DO NOT BE DECIEVED.
“9Do you not know that the unrighteous and the wrongdoers will not inherit or have any share in the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived (misled): neither the impure and immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor those who participate in homosexuality,
10Nor cheats (swindlers and thieves), nor greedy graspers, nor drunkards, nor foulmouthed revilers and slanderers, nor extortioners and robbers will inherit or have any share in the kingdom of God.” I Corinthians 6: 9,10.

None of these will share in the Kingdom of God.

“ 11And such some of you were [once]. But you were washed clean (purified by a complete atonement for sin and made free from the guilt of sin), and you were consecrated (set apart, hallowed), and you were justified [pronounced righteous, by trusting] in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the [Holy] Spirit of our God.
12Everything is permissible (allowable and lawful) for me; but not all things are helpful (good for me to do, expedient and profitable when considered with other things). Everything is lawful for me, but I will not become the slave of anything or be brought under its power.” I Corinthians 6:11,12

The difference between someone who follows Jesus and someone who believes in Jesus is that a follower denies self at all costs and obeys Him and follows His truth. This is not to say that followers are perfect and never fall. It means that sin is not a way of life for a follower of Jesus Christ. And to address the issue of someone who simply believes in Jesus? Well, in the bible it says that even the demons believe in Him and they tremble. I think we can all agree that demons do not follow Jesus. A follower of Jesus may fall into temptation from time to time but does not justify their sin as a lifestyle. Let’s face it, none of us will never be perfect this side of heaven due to our human nature. Paul even makes reference to this pursuit in the New Testament.
“12 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. 13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it,[d] but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” Phil. 3:12-14
I too believe that God will make it plain to anyone who keeps seeking Him.
“15 Let all who are spiritually mature agree on these things. If you disagree on some point, I believe God will make it plain to you.” Phil. 3:15

Further, the salvation that Jesus so graciously gave to us does not give us a license to live a sinful lifestyle. Otherwise, His death on the cross was for nothing!

I am greatly disturbed by her choice because now she will have a mass of followers: people who already live alternative lifestyles, people who were questioning their sexuality and faith, and a mass group of very deceived Christians to support her choice to live in a life of sin. So not only is she leading this huge sector of society, she is being loved and supported by them to continue in her choice.

This now brings me back full circle to the deeper issue at hand. I can see how Satan can use the wounds of a person’s past against them and lure them by his lies. He is, after all, the father of lies.

All of this really stirs me to speak out the Truth! There are too many broken people out there that are being deceived and need to know that there is a true God who loves them. A God that can heal their wounds and set them FREE! And THIS is the cause I desire to have a platform to tell the world the truth on!!!

And, Jennifer Knapp, I have been where you are but somehow by God’s grace I was able to see the Light (that might have something to do with the prayer covering I have from many who love me). I still love you. and most importantly, God still loves you! I will not keep silent and just let Satan have his way…I will NOT give up the good fight.. I am in the trenches beside you.. praying for you. Jesus is the only truth.. and the Truth shall set you free!

Turning Down the Noise

April 30, 2010

Funny how only God truly knows the heart. We may think we know our own heart and it makes me laugh to think that we don’t. All I know is that from time to time I can hear God calling me LOUD AND CLEAR to reel myself in from the world so I can hear Him. It’s not that easy while being a mommy of three small kiddos involved with a variety of important “missions.” So, I am taking some baby steps right now to avoid internet communication, phone calls and texting. It would be very easy for me personally.. just not that easy for my world around me to let me. It’s mind boggling to see how “loud” the world around us is…everything screams for our attention.. the world news, the local news, emails, phone calls, text messages, the radio.. the list is endless. EVERY single piece of information that is going into my mind, regardless of the source, IS the noise that is in the way of ONLY hearing His voice. No way I could shut the door to the noise completely. Not to say that His small still voice can’t get through to me.. even with the distractions. I mean, He IS God!… so, I can only imagine how much BETTER I would hear Him speaking directly to my heart if all that was eliminated. I trust He will make it happen. In the mean time, my focus is simple… simple quiet times, simple daily tasks, simple being with my family.. My crazy flesh screams sometimes when I’m in the middle of this self imposed, or should I say, “God imposed,” solitude. Then I have to gently remind it, “all is good, trust in the Lord.. don’t worry you are not losing yourself (wait maybe you are hahaha and that is not a bad thing according to Jesus who says die to yourself and follow me.) but you are not losing WHO you are.. you have everything to gain by submission.” And yet, I totally LONG for the solitude. God will take care of it all…it’s easy for Him.

Catching Up on my Journal.. Every day is a Gift!

Don’t really know why I haven’t been journaling much this year accept for the fact that I have been keeping busy with the kids, household, and music.. and occasional massage. Ya, massage business has waned a whole lot. I’m not too sure why because even when I put forth effort to market, it still doesn’t produce much. And, C’MON, we all know I’m the best massage therapist in Corpus Christi, TX.

What’s happenin’ in My world? Ya.. maybe that sounds self-centered.. but HEY.. this is My journal right? So, hahahaha.. makes sense that is would be about me…. Well, I think it has to do with God, Me and my family.

WORK FRONT
For the past several months, it’s been so strange for me to not have a routine or “steady” focus for a job. My prayer has been, “Lord, please give me patience as I wait on your good and perfect timing…please help me to experience your joy in the midst of this strange season where I feel displaced with the gifts you have blessed me with.” Well, there are of course more prayers but that’s the one that comes to mind today.

MUSIC FRONT
The Anything Goes band has finally gotten out of the garage and we finally finished our little demo. We had the chance to play at the Ayers Event Center for a private party and that really gave us a chance to have real stage time.. with real stage lights.. real sound system.. a real audience and hahahahaha, even a REAL fog machine. I know, funny!
Aside from the fact that we were only a stone’s throw from the ghetto and I was totally out of my element with regards to the audience.. um..i suppose it all went ok. Joe Boutte, the male vocalist, and I have have the funniest “love hate” relationship. It’s funny because as annoying as he may be to many people, I love to mess with him… it’s all in love.. he just hasn’t quite gotten my sense of humor yet.. I think he’s coming around. You know how us musician types can be so sensitive! I feel like, most of the time at least, I have learned how NOT to take myself so serious. And for that I thank the Lord.

I’m still there supporting Alexis as her back up vocalist. We have had two official gigs so far. The last one was at The Centurion Fest at John Paul II High School. It’s getting better I suppose. This girl can SANG.. and her songwriting ability is amazing. You gotta check her out some time. The name is Alexis Saski.

It may appear that all this musical action is filling up my tank. I regretfully have to say, not so. I am grateful for the opportunity to take part and be a supporting role. And perhaps its just a season has me in for now…I have been told, “Anna, this is a different role for you.” I simply say, “yes, it sure is.” Part of me is totally ok with that.. I mean, who am I to complain really. I’m one of the most blessed people on this planet! There is this other part of me that knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has shaped and molded me for something specific and that specific something is to lead worship through music.

Every now and then I get an awesome opportunity to lead worship… a women’s retreat, filling in for a local church, a banquet… And I get really excited to do it. Wish it was more routine in my life. I don’t want to question God. Especially since I know that my first ministry is to my family and bringing up my 3 beautiful kids to love Jesus more than anything or anyone in the world.

I do desire to put together a powerful worship band and I believe that in God’s timing this is going to happen. I mean.. He has already given me the name.. “Undignified”.. in other words worship and praise God without any reservation and with no inhibitions!

HOUSEHOLD BUSINESS FRONT
The lease on our other house will be up by June.. aaaaah! Insert whiney voice “not again!” Ya.. so I have once again put it on the market.. have it with MilitaryByOwner.com have it on Zillow.com have it on Craigslist and just posted it on Facebook today too. Now I need to make some flyers. We are heading into a financial storm once again if it doesn’t sell.. TWO mortgages and 5 mouths to feed and clothe. I trust that no matter what the Lord will provide.

KID AND HUBBY FRONT
More and more I am doing my best to hang on to these beautiful fleeting days with my small children. Life goes by us so fast.. not to mention, everyday is like a gift and the next is not guaranteed. I have the best husband, lover, companion and friend in the world. He is so dedicated to us and works his tail off. I praise God everyday for teaching us and growing us to love and respect each other above everyone else. I truly cannot say enough about how crazy I am about my Phil.. love love love him!
And it may or may not go without saying that I too work my tail off (wish that was literal hahaha) around here keeping up with laundry, dishes, floors, bills, errands, kids’ homework, etc. Once again, I have only praise for it all. God is so gracious.
Lindsey is almost finished with 3rd grade. I’ve been helping her prepare for her first TAKS exam and I am so proud of her for her progress. Her big heart full of love and mind so full of artistic expression never ceases to amaze me.
Brooke, my nature child, is an A student in 1st grade who aims to please. Today she brought home rolly pollies in her insect catcher. I thought to myself, “wait till I tell her what they eat and she will be grossed out.” So, I asked, what will you feed them? She looked at me and said, “I will just feed them Roady poop!” Hilarious… she already planned to feed the bugs the dogs poop. Wow.. surely she is heading into science.
Chase, my sweet little man full of love and cuddly for me will be graduating Pre-K 4 in May. I have the biggest crush on him..who wouldn’t?! I cherish his sweet little hands. When I’m driving, all I have to do is reach back with my hand and he gently hands me a bite of whatever snack he is eating…THAT’S when I soak up that feel of his little fingers touching my hand…or when he proudly grabs my hand as we walk a parking lot. Sometimes I will still hold him in my arms as we are walking.. I know in my mind this could be one of the last times I will hold him in my arms as my baby boy. I’m in love with God, YES.. and I am so in love with my family!

FRIENDS

ya.. you thought i had forgotten.. lol. Well, I DIDN'T.. how could i ever forget to mention some of the great pillars of my life.. you all support me through my good and my bad.. No doubt in my mind that you are gifts straight from God above. I pray the Lord blesses your socks off for putting up with me! I love you!

What else can I blah blah about…. It’s a beautiful day. Think I will take the kids for a walk now before the sun goes down. Deep in my heart I am so thankful for so many blessings and I know my Jesus is crazy about me.. And I THANK GOD! Rock on for Jesus!

My life is Not My Own

(This blog was started and saved on the 9th) now i'm back to finish it and cannot even remember where i was going with it.. Lesson learned: finish a blog in that session... a lesson for me especially! here it is anyway for whatever it's worth...

Yesterday i was tremendously blessed. Really there are no words to explain it all. It's been on my heart, for quite some time to go over to the nursing home/assisted living where my mil lives and sing for the residents. Every time i go there for a visit, it's a real eye opener. Most of the residents are just there.. quality of life diminished.. not able to go outside those "four walls." Life is, what appears to be, over for them. Now they are waiting to meet their maker. I hope that if i do live to be that old there will be nice people to visit me and sing some songs with guitar. And not just during the typical Christmas season.
That day I just sang a number of worship songs and livened it up with La Bamba. I was on the nursing home side so getting any kind of response from the residence was minimal if any at all. Afterwards, i walked around and talked to them individually. And even though many could no longer communicate verbally, I know we spoke the universal language of love. I can feel the pain there in some lives.. i can also feel the hope and anicpation of the life to come from others.

I ponder life in many ways. I say i do not fear death or getting old but i question if this is REALLY true. So many thoughts cross my mind (on probably a not so normal frequency). When i come to a place on my journey when i stare death in the face, i must consider serious heart and life questions. A few months ago I had a health issue arise from out of no where. It was very concerning.. and the waiting period before actually seeing the doctor was quite trying. What if i have a life threatening condition here? The fear and sorrow gripped my heart.. first i face the idea of my own mortality.. Ok..not too bad really. I mean, i am secure in my relationship with God and my intimacy with Jesus Christ. As i pondered it more, i realized that the real fear and sorrow i felt are for my kids and my family. Then my mind goes on an imaginary trail of life here on earth void of ME. Imagining the questions my children would have.. the deep saddness they would experience.. all of lifes experiences they would have without me, their biological mommy who loves them SOOO much... (school, learning lifes lessons, graduation, marriage, their own families). Then i think of Phil trying to manage life without me and possibly finding a relationship with another woman (who may or may not fulfill my role well). The devestation of my own mother and my sister. And my friends.. temporarily i would think. So.. "life" would go on without me.

Last week i experience the same rush of fear while on our flight back home from Dallas to Corpus Christi. The weather was less than desireable and we flew through major turbulence nearly the entire time. Again i was gripped with fear...having my Phil next to me didn't seem to help much... what good would TWO parents gone from my childerens' lives be. I leaned forward...face in my hands.. tears streaming as i confronted God.. "Ok Lord, I confess i am afraid.. 'afraid of what'..."good question!" I thought..."ok, Lord, you are right, i am not afraid to die and meet you face to face.. i just don't want to leave my kids without parents. please, Lord, let us land safely.. 'Do you trust me either way?'.. I had to come to terms with my momentary lack of trust in God.. "right..right.. ok.. i trust you either way.. i am ready.. yes, Lord, i love you."
Answer to prayer and trusting in Him.. I'm here to blog about it and be transparent about it.

I just want to live like each day is my last.. did i say that already?... well, guess i keep reminding myself. What matter's most.. that i am living each day with integrity in every area of my life.. that my kids and family know without a doubt that i love them...that i find ways to show God's love to others whenever possible...that my life is not my own.. that's all for now.

I need to blog and cant wait...have so much on my mind...God is so gracious and never ceases to amaze me
~anna <:)>

Back Up Vocals and rythm guitar For a New Forming Band

hmmmm? Ya.. that's exactly what i was saying to myself last night as i drove nearly an hour away to audition in Rockport, TX for a forming band.
So, I ran across an amazing person while surfing the net the other day.. She is truly talented... Her songwriting is beyond her years, her voice is beautiful, strong and distinct...in other words, simply annointed with a heart so sincere. Her name is Alexis Saski. Let's all get use to her name because before long everyone is going to know about her. I was very impressed and sent her an encouraging email to compliment her on her music and wish her well. Then I was telling my friends to check her out on myspace. Didn't put any thought into responding to her ad searching for band members.
Then i get a call from a really good bass player friend of mine to inform me that he auditioned and GOT it! I was so surprised at the news; especially since I just recently discovered her myself. I let him know i was really happy for him and bummed for me cuz i was going to ask him to join MY newly forming Christian band ..LOL. Then he proceeded to talk me into auditioning. He worked on convincing me for quite some time..
Soooooooo...I said, "hmm why not." I mean I won't know till I try and certainly wouldn't want to close any doors the Lord may be opening for me to grow and learn.
Meeting her last night was way better than I expected. I am really excited for her and where God is taking her with her music career. Her family is beautiful inside and out. We all seemed to hit it of very well...Spirit discerning Spirit I suppose.
My conclusion: I'm in! All in! I would be honored to be a part of this journey. Praying the Lords wisdom and guidance.
So, if you happen upon my post here. Please go check her out.. you will instantly love her!

www.myspace.com/alexisnsaskimusic

to be continued...

The Lord searches the whole earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully devoted to Him!
~anna <:)>

Movin' on

This year is a year of change and forward momentum for me personally. I gotta live like I'm dying.. life just flies by if I let it. My goal is to consitently be in the present working towards all the things that really matter to God. Keeping my eyes on where He is leading and many times sacrificing the things that I want...in the end, following after Him leads to the peace and joy that is completely freeing. He is first. My family is next and then those around me.
Gotta take care of my health...keep my home in order...devote time to my husband and kids...pursue the passions of my heart through music (however God wants).
Not saying it's always easy.... but God is faithful and gives me what i need for the moment. Choosing Him! ~anna

Tough emotional day..Im takin the good with the bad
~anna <:)>

s'up...Sunday afternoon random update

The "gig" with Anything Goes Band:
Had a pretty good time jammin' for the folks at the nursing home. They seemed so happy to have guests from the outside world. the band is getting tighter. We have come quite a ways since our Christmas party jam. This whole "secular" thing is just filling my fun tank slightly while i wait patiently on the Lord. My hearts longing (no matter what i try to do or think I want to do) keeps exposing my passion for worship music. I hope and pray to lead a fresh worship band this year.

Church:
On the church front, today we attended another local church for the third time. God continues to give me affirmation about this church. The thought of leaving our home church of 9 years is heart wrenching but if God is clearly calling us out then we must trust and obey. I'm not even seeing how or where He might want to use me there....still, i have peace.

Finally a first blog in a very long time

I don't have much time today. Gotta get dressed and pack my stuff in the car. The band, "Anything Goes" has a gig at the nursing home today. Only gonna play for about an hour.. it's about all they can handle. So this is like our practice gig in a way. And it's unpaid. I feel for those people anyway.. they are stuck there day in and day out. I hope we can bring some sunshine to them and get their hands clapping and feet stompin.

I really hope to stay regular to this blog this year. I have so much on my mind to share.