My mind is playing that old song by the Eagles, “Life in the Fast Lane.” But it has absolutely NOTHING to do with the lyrics of that particular song ..just the feeling of life going by sooo fast. Often I want to hit the brakes for an entire day and just journal what’s going on in life but life is on full throttle and everyone counts on me to keep it going. Ha!
The other house:
I want to give God praise for finally having mercy on us and allowing us to sell our other house in June. What a relief that has been. We really sweated owning that house for 2 ½ years!.. so on the market 3 times, 3 tenants later and much stress and upkeep…we finally sold it. Yay, yay yay!!!! Thank you JESUS! It’s a huge burden lifted off of us. Had to keep going.. no time to stop and celebrate. hahahaha
Music:
Anything Goes Band was just getting out of the garage finally and doing some gigs and it was fun. But in my heart I was not 100% in it.. my real passion is rockin’ for Jesus and worshiping Him with others through music. It’s been quite a strange mix of stuff with me and music over the past several months. Thought I might put together my own personal set list and do some coffee house gigs or restaurant gigs.. but that hasn’t quite panned out. Still singing back up for Alexis too.. but she is in Nashville songwriting for this month. I have had the honor of being asked to lead worship here and there on my own and that is always my favorite. There hasn’t seemed to be any open doors or opportunities for leading worship at our new fellowship so I have been just waiting and waiting…looking and listening. Recently, I have been invited to sing a little bit on Sunday evenings there so it does feel good to have a feeling like I am “involved” and have some part of what God is doing in the local church. ah! fun and interesting scenery on the journey..
I digress for the need to explain the complication:
Being in this “waiting room” for over 2 ½ years has caused me to question what, where, who, when and why with regards to the calling God placed on my life many years ago to pursue music ministry. I think to myself, how can I have this strong desire to lead worship through music and lead others to follow Jesus with an undivided passion, and then be placed in this holding pattern for SOOO long? I don’t want to question God because He is God…But at the same time He IS my daddy… and just like children want answers to life’s questions, this child wants to know too.. “Daddy, how come you gave me the gift of singing and playing my guitar.. then you let me experience using these gifts during several challenging years of my life as a new mommy…then you made it very clear this is what you created me for…then you pulled me out of that leadership role and now have me waiting for a very long time for the chance to use my gifts again.” (and in my human mind THIS seems to be a great time.. my kids are older and I have more time to dedicate to it)..So I am waiting and waiting and waiting.
Meanwhile, I have taken steps towards being a much better wife and mommy. But I God has wired me for taking on big challenges.. climbing that next mountain or pursuing that God size task that can only be accomplished with God size power!
So, I found out that I can get college tuition & fees paid for because of my military service.. and think, “hmmmm, perhaps I just need to go back to school and get another bachelor’s degree… what do I have to lose?”.. I figured if I tried to open the door of another career and walk through, if it wasn’t God’s plan He loves me enough to keep that door closed and locked, right? So, I’m off and running.. should I go back for a master’s in counseling? Should I pursue nursing? These are a couple of fields that have crossed my mind since graduating with my BA in communication years ago. So, I prayed about it and determined that nursing it is…After all, if I become a nurse I will then have a skill I can take onto the mission field and it’s also a career that seems will still allow me to pursue the music ministry...
So I, received acceptance at TX A&M University CC and jumped right into ……….C H E M I S T R Y!!!!! A 5 week summer session no less.. I DO NOT RECOMMEND squeezing 4 months of chemistry into 5 WEEKS of summer! Not to mention I went ahead and took the lab too. So, I’m going along.. things are workin’ out.. I’m amazed that there were no hitches! It was by no means a breeze! And then to top it off, I had to deal with my mother-in-laws illness and death towards the very last week of classes and finals. But by God’s amazing grace and my loving friends, I survived it.. even passed my Chem. Lecture with a B and Chem. Lab with a surprising A!!!
Now I am on break.. Fall semester will begin next Wed. I am registered for 11 credit hours.. A & P I, Microbiology, a lab for each of those and a History class. And I can drop it all in a sec. if I need to… would that be like stopping and emptying out the trunk?
Last night I had a some soul searching.. 1) My passion in life is worship through music and leading worship in a full time or part-time capacity (whether with my own band or the local church). 2) Pursuing nursing is only second to number one. 3) So, why am I not pursuing more education in the one I love most? 4) Am I pleasing God or man? ... studying the guages on the dash..
Daddy, God, I don’t understand your ways.. You are God and I am not. I am thankful for all you have done and are doing in my life. Did you put me in time out for something I did? Are you simply testing my faith? Well, whatever it is, I have no choice but to wait on YOU…I am yours so have YOUR way sweet Jesus!
“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8,9
I’m going to hit the brakes, pull off the “fast lane,” and park for one day of dedicated prayer. Life is too short.. I want the peace of knowing I am in the center of God’s will...He is first!
Great blog!
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