April 30, 2010
Funny how only God truly knows the heart. We may think we know our own heart and it makes me laugh to think that we don’t. All I know is that from time to time I can hear God calling me LOUD AND CLEAR to reel myself in from the world so I can hear Him. It’s not that easy while being a mommy of three small kiddos involved with a variety of important “missions.” So, I am taking some baby steps right now to avoid internet communication, phone calls and texting. It would be very easy for me personally.. just not that easy for my world around me to let me. It’s mind boggling to see how “loud” the world around us is…everything screams for our attention.. the world news, the local news, emails, phone calls, text messages, the radio.. the list is endless. EVERY single piece of information that is going into my mind, regardless of the source, IS the noise that is in the way of ONLY hearing His voice. No way I could shut the door to the noise completely. Not to say that His small still voice can’t get through to me.. even with the distractions. I mean, He IS God!… so, I can only imagine how much BETTER I would hear Him speaking directly to my heart if all that was eliminated. I trust He will make it happen. In the mean time, my focus is simple… simple quiet times, simple daily tasks, simple being with my family.. My crazy flesh screams sometimes when I’m in the middle of this self imposed, or should I say, “God imposed,” solitude. Then I have to gently remind it, “all is good, trust in the Lord.. don’t worry you are not losing yourself (wait maybe you are hahaha and that is not a bad thing according to Jesus who says die to yourself and follow me.) but you are not losing WHO you are.. you have everything to gain by submission.” And yet, I totally LONG for the solitude. God will take care of it all…it’s easy for Him.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Catching Up on my Journal.. Every day is a Gift!
Don’t really know why I haven’t been journaling much this year accept for the fact that I have been keeping busy with the kids, household, and music.. and occasional massage. Ya, massage business has waned a whole lot. I’m not too sure why because even when I put forth effort to market, it still doesn’t produce much. And, C’MON, we all know I’m the best massage therapist in Corpus Christi, TX.
What’s happenin’ in My world? Ya.. maybe that sounds self-centered.. but HEY.. this is My journal right? So, hahahaha.. makes sense that is would be about me…. Well, I think it has to do with God, Me and my family.
WORK FRONT
For the past several months, it’s been so strange for me to not have a routine or “steady” focus for a job. My prayer has been, “Lord, please give me patience as I wait on your good and perfect timing…please help me to experience your joy in the midst of this strange season where I feel displaced with the gifts you have blessed me with.” Well, there are of course more prayers but that’s the one that comes to mind today.
MUSIC FRONT
The Anything Goes band has finally gotten out of the garage and we finally finished our little demo. We had the chance to play at the Ayers Event Center for a private party and that really gave us a chance to have real stage time.. with real stage lights.. real sound system.. a real audience and hahahahaha, even a REAL fog machine. I know, funny!
Aside from the fact that we were only a stone’s throw from the ghetto and I was totally out of my element with regards to the audience.. um..i suppose it all went ok. Joe Boutte, the male vocalist, and I have have the funniest “love hate” relationship. It’s funny because as annoying as he may be to many people, I love to mess with him… it’s all in love.. he just hasn’t quite gotten my sense of humor yet.. I think he’s coming around. You know how us musician types can be so sensitive! I feel like, most of the time at least, I have learned how NOT to take myself so serious. And for that I thank the Lord.
I’m still there supporting Alexis as her back up vocalist. We have had two official gigs so far. The last one was at The Centurion Fest at John Paul II High School. It’s getting better I suppose. This girl can SANG.. and her songwriting ability is amazing. You gotta check her out some time. The name is Alexis Saski.
It may appear that all this musical action is filling up my tank. I regretfully have to say, not so. I am grateful for the opportunity to take part and be a supporting role. And perhaps its just a season has me in for now…I have been told, “Anna, this is a different role for you.” I simply say, “yes, it sure is.” Part of me is totally ok with that.. I mean, who am I to complain really. I’m one of the most blessed people on this planet! There is this other part of me that knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has shaped and molded me for something specific and that specific something is to lead worship through music.
Every now and then I get an awesome opportunity to lead worship… a women’s retreat, filling in for a local church, a banquet… And I get really excited to do it. Wish it was more routine in my life. I don’t want to question God. Especially since I know that my first ministry is to my family and bringing up my 3 beautiful kids to love Jesus more than anything or anyone in the world.
I do desire to put together a powerful worship band and I believe that in God’s timing this is going to happen. I mean.. He has already given me the name.. “Undignified”.. in other words worship and praise God without any reservation and with no inhibitions!
HOUSEHOLD BUSINESS FRONT
The lease on our other house will be up by June.. aaaaah! Insert whiney voice “not again!” Ya.. so I have once again put it on the market.. have it with MilitaryByOwner.com have it on Zillow.com have it on Craigslist and just posted it on Facebook today too. Now I need to make some flyers. We are heading into a financial storm once again if it doesn’t sell.. TWO mortgages and 5 mouths to feed and clothe. I trust that no matter what the Lord will provide.
KID AND HUBBY FRONT
More and more I am doing my best to hang on to these beautiful fleeting days with my small children. Life goes by us so fast.. not to mention, everyday is like a gift and the next is not guaranteed. I have the best husband, lover, companion and friend in the world. He is so dedicated to us and works his tail off. I praise God everyday for teaching us and growing us to love and respect each other above everyone else. I truly cannot say enough about how crazy I am about my Phil.. love love love him!
And it may or may not go without saying that I too work my tail off (wish that was literal hahaha) around here keeping up with laundry, dishes, floors, bills, errands, kids’ homework, etc. Once again, I have only praise for it all. God is so gracious.
Lindsey is almost finished with 3rd grade. I’ve been helping her prepare for her first TAKS exam and I am so proud of her for her progress. Her big heart full of love and mind so full of artistic expression never ceases to amaze me.
Brooke, my nature child, is an A student in 1st grade who aims to please. Today she brought home rolly pollies in her insect catcher. I thought to myself, “wait till I tell her what they eat and she will be grossed out.” So, I asked, what will you feed them? She looked at me and said, “I will just feed them Roady poop!” Hilarious… she already planned to feed the bugs the dogs poop. Wow.. surely she is heading into science.
Chase, my sweet little man full of love and cuddly for me will be graduating Pre-K 4 in May. I have the biggest crush on him..who wouldn’t?! I cherish his sweet little hands. When I’m driving, all I have to do is reach back with my hand and he gently hands me a bite of whatever snack he is eating…THAT’S when I soak up that feel of his little fingers touching my hand…or when he proudly grabs my hand as we walk a parking lot. Sometimes I will still hold him in my arms as we are walking.. I know in my mind this could be one of the last times I will hold him in my arms as my baby boy. I’m in love with God, YES.. and I am so in love with my family!
What else can I blah blah about…. It’s a beautiful day. Think I will take the kids for a walk now before the sun goes down. Deep in my heart I am so thankful for so many blessings and I know my Jesus is crazy about me.. And I THANK GOD! Rock on for Jesus!
What’s happenin’ in My world? Ya.. maybe that sounds self-centered.. but HEY.. this is My journal right? So, hahahaha.. makes sense that is would be about me…. Well, I think it has to do with God, Me and my family.
WORK FRONT
For the past several months, it’s been so strange for me to not have a routine or “steady” focus for a job. My prayer has been, “Lord, please give me patience as I wait on your good and perfect timing…please help me to experience your joy in the midst of this strange season where I feel displaced with the gifts you have blessed me with.” Well, there are of course more prayers but that’s the one that comes to mind today.
MUSIC FRONT
The Anything Goes band has finally gotten out of the garage and we finally finished our little demo. We had the chance to play at the Ayers Event Center for a private party and that really gave us a chance to have real stage time.. with real stage lights.. real sound system.. a real audience and hahahahaha, even a REAL fog machine. I know, funny!
Aside from the fact that we were only a stone’s throw from the ghetto and I was totally out of my element with regards to the audience.. um..i suppose it all went ok. Joe Boutte, the male vocalist, and I have have the funniest “love hate” relationship. It’s funny because as annoying as he may be to many people, I love to mess with him… it’s all in love.. he just hasn’t quite gotten my sense of humor yet.. I think he’s coming around. You know how us musician types can be so sensitive! I feel like, most of the time at least, I have learned how NOT to take myself so serious. And for that I thank the Lord.
I’m still there supporting Alexis as her back up vocalist. We have had two official gigs so far. The last one was at The Centurion Fest at John Paul II High School. It’s getting better I suppose. This girl can SANG.. and her songwriting ability is amazing. You gotta check her out some time. The name is Alexis Saski.
It may appear that all this musical action is filling up my tank. I regretfully have to say, not so. I am grateful for the opportunity to take part and be a supporting role. And perhaps its just a season has me in for now…I have been told, “Anna, this is a different role for you.” I simply say, “yes, it sure is.” Part of me is totally ok with that.. I mean, who am I to complain really. I’m one of the most blessed people on this planet! There is this other part of me that knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has shaped and molded me for something specific and that specific something is to lead worship through music.
Every now and then I get an awesome opportunity to lead worship… a women’s retreat, filling in for a local church, a banquet… And I get really excited to do it. Wish it was more routine in my life. I don’t want to question God. Especially since I know that my first ministry is to my family and bringing up my 3 beautiful kids to love Jesus more than anything or anyone in the world.
I do desire to put together a powerful worship band and I believe that in God’s timing this is going to happen. I mean.. He has already given me the name.. “Undignified”.. in other words worship and praise God without any reservation and with no inhibitions!
HOUSEHOLD BUSINESS FRONT
The lease on our other house will be up by June.. aaaaah! Insert whiney voice “not again!” Ya.. so I have once again put it on the market.. have it with MilitaryByOwner.com have it on Zillow.com have it on Craigslist and just posted it on Facebook today too. Now I need to make some flyers. We are heading into a financial storm once again if it doesn’t sell.. TWO mortgages and 5 mouths to feed and clothe. I trust that no matter what the Lord will provide.
KID AND HUBBY FRONT
More and more I am doing my best to hang on to these beautiful fleeting days with my small children. Life goes by us so fast.. not to mention, everyday is like a gift and the next is not guaranteed. I have the best husband, lover, companion and friend in the world. He is so dedicated to us and works his tail off. I praise God everyday for teaching us and growing us to love and respect each other above everyone else. I truly cannot say enough about how crazy I am about my Phil.. love love love him!
And it may or may not go without saying that I too work my tail off (wish that was literal hahaha) around here keeping up with laundry, dishes, floors, bills, errands, kids’ homework, etc. Once again, I have only praise for it all. God is so gracious.
Lindsey is almost finished with 3rd grade. I’ve been helping her prepare for her first TAKS exam and I am so proud of her for her progress. Her big heart full of love and mind so full of artistic expression never ceases to amaze me.
Brooke, my nature child, is an A student in 1st grade who aims to please. Today she brought home rolly pollies in her insect catcher. I thought to myself, “wait till I tell her what they eat and she will be grossed out.” So, I asked, what will you feed them? She looked at me and said, “I will just feed them Roady poop!” Hilarious… she already planned to feed the bugs the dogs poop. Wow.. surely she is heading into science.
Chase, my sweet little man full of love and cuddly for me will be graduating Pre-K 4 in May. I have the biggest crush on him..who wouldn’t?! I cherish his sweet little hands. When I’m driving, all I have to do is reach back with my hand and he gently hands me a bite of whatever snack he is eating…THAT’S when I soak up that feel of his little fingers touching my hand…or when he proudly grabs my hand as we walk a parking lot. Sometimes I will still hold him in my arms as we are walking.. I know in my mind this could be one of the last times I will hold him in my arms as my baby boy. I’m in love with God, YES.. and I am so in love with my family!
FRIENDS
ya.. you thought i had forgotten.. lol. Well, I DIDN'T.. how could i ever forget to mention some of the great pillars of my life.. you all support me through my good and my bad.. No doubt in my mind that you are gifts straight from God above. I pray the Lord blesses your socks off for putting up with me! I love you!
What else can I blah blah about…. It’s a beautiful day. Think I will take the kids for a walk now before the sun goes down. Deep in my heart I am so thankful for so many blessings and I know my Jesus is crazy about me.. And I THANK GOD! Rock on for Jesus!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
My life is Not My Own
(This blog was started and saved on the 9th) now i'm back to finish it and cannot even remember where i was going with it.. Lesson learned: finish a blog in that session... a lesson for me especially! here it is anyway for whatever it's worth...
Yesterday i was tremendously blessed. Really there are no words to explain it all. It's been on my heart, for quite some time to go over to the nursing home/assisted living where my mil lives and sing for the residents. Every time i go there for a visit, it's a real eye opener. Most of the residents are just there.. quality of life diminished.. not able to go outside those "four walls." Life is, what appears to be, over for them. Now they are waiting to meet their maker. I hope that if i do live to be that old there will be nice people to visit me and sing some songs with guitar. And not just during the typical Christmas season.
That day I just sang a number of worship songs and livened it up with La Bamba. I was on the nursing home side so getting any kind of response from the residence was minimal if any at all. Afterwards, i walked around and talked to them individually. And even though many could no longer communicate verbally, I know we spoke the universal language of love. I can feel the pain there in some lives.. i can also feel the hope and anicpation of the life to come from others.
I ponder life in many ways. I say i do not fear death or getting old but i question if this is REALLY true. So many thoughts cross my mind (on probably a not so normal frequency). When i come to a place on my journey when i stare death in the face, i must consider serious heart and life questions. A few months ago I had a health issue arise from out of no where. It was very concerning.. and the waiting period before actually seeing the doctor was quite trying. What if i have a life threatening condition here? The fear and sorrow gripped my heart.. first i face the idea of my own mortality.. Ok..not too bad really. I mean, i am secure in my relationship with God and my intimacy with Jesus Christ. As i pondered it more, i realized that the real fear and sorrow i felt are for my kids and my family. Then my mind goes on an imaginary trail of life here on earth void of ME. Imagining the questions my children would have.. the deep saddness they would experience.. all of lifes experiences they would have without me, their biological mommy who loves them SOOO much... (school, learning lifes lessons, graduation, marriage, their own families). Then i think of Phil trying to manage life without me and possibly finding a relationship with another woman (who may or may not fulfill my role well). The devestation of my own mother and my sister. And my friends.. temporarily i would think. So.. "life" would go on without me.
Last week i experience the same rush of fear while on our flight back home from Dallas to Corpus Christi. The weather was less than desireable and we flew through major turbulence nearly the entire time. Again i was gripped with fear...having my Phil next to me didn't seem to help much... what good would TWO parents gone from my childerens' lives be. I leaned forward...face in my hands.. tears streaming as i confronted God.. "Ok Lord, I confess i am afraid.. 'afraid of what'..."good question!" I thought..."ok, Lord, you are right, i am not afraid to die and meet you face to face.. i just don't want to leave my kids without parents. please, Lord, let us land safely.. 'Do you trust me either way?'.. I had to come to terms with my momentary lack of trust in God.. "right..right.. ok.. i trust you either way.. i am ready.. yes, Lord, i love you."
Answer to prayer and trusting in Him.. I'm here to blog about it and be transparent about it.
I just want to live like each day is my last.. did i say that already?... well, guess i keep reminding myself. What matter's most.. that i am living each day with integrity in every area of my life.. that my kids and family know without a doubt that i love them...that i find ways to show God's love to others whenever possible...that my life is not my own.. that's all for now.
Yesterday i was tremendously blessed. Really there are no words to explain it all. It's been on my heart, for quite some time to go over to the nursing home/assisted living where my mil lives and sing for the residents. Every time i go there for a visit, it's a real eye opener. Most of the residents are just there.. quality of life diminished.. not able to go outside those "four walls." Life is, what appears to be, over for them. Now they are waiting to meet their maker. I hope that if i do live to be that old there will be nice people to visit me and sing some songs with guitar. And not just during the typical Christmas season.
That day I just sang a number of worship songs and livened it up with La Bamba. I was on the nursing home side so getting any kind of response from the residence was minimal if any at all. Afterwards, i walked around and talked to them individually. And even though many could no longer communicate verbally, I know we spoke the universal language of love. I can feel the pain there in some lives.. i can also feel the hope and anicpation of the life to come from others.
I ponder life in many ways. I say i do not fear death or getting old but i question if this is REALLY true. So many thoughts cross my mind (on probably a not so normal frequency). When i come to a place on my journey when i stare death in the face, i must consider serious heart and life questions. A few months ago I had a health issue arise from out of no where. It was very concerning.. and the waiting period before actually seeing the doctor was quite trying. What if i have a life threatening condition here? The fear and sorrow gripped my heart.. first i face the idea of my own mortality.. Ok..not too bad really. I mean, i am secure in my relationship with God and my intimacy with Jesus Christ. As i pondered it more, i realized that the real fear and sorrow i felt are for my kids and my family. Then my mind goes on an imaginary trail of life here on earth void of ME. Imagining the questions my children would have.. the deep saddness they would experience.. all of lifes experiences they would have without me, their biological mommy who loves them SOOO much... (school, learning lifes lessons, graduation, marriage, their own families). Then i think of Phil trying to manage life without me and possibly finding a relationship with another woman (who may or may not fulfill my role well). The devestation of my own mother and my sister. And my friends.. temporarily i would think. So.. "life" would go on without me.
Last week i experience the same rush of fear while on our flight back home from Dallas to Corpus Christi. The weather was less than desireable and we flew through major turbulence nearly the entire time. Again i was gripped with fear...having my Phil next to me didn't seem to help much... what good would TWO parents gone from my childerens' lives be. I leaned forward...face in my hands.. tears streaming as i confronted God.. "Ok Lord, I confess i am afraid.. 'afraid of what'..."good question!" I thought..."ok, Lord, you are right, i am not afraid to die and meet you face to face.. i just don't want to leave my kids without parents. please, Lord, let us land safely.. 'Do you trust me either way?'.. I had to come to terms with my momentary lack of trust in God.. "right..right.. ok.. i trust you either way.. i am ready.. yes, Lord, i love you."
Answer to prayer and trusting in Him.. I'm here to blog about it and be transparent about it.
I just want to live like each day is my last.. did i say that already?... well, guess i keep reminding myself. What matter's most.. that i am living each day with integrity in every area of my life.. that my kids and family know without a doubt that i love them...that i find ways to show God's love to others whenever possible...that my life is not my own.. that's all for now.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Back Up Vocals and rythm guitar For a New Forming Band
hmmmm? Ya.. that's exactly what i was saying to myself last night as i drove nearly an hour away to audition in Rockport, TX for a forming band.
So, I ran across an amazing person while surfing the net the other day.. She is truly talented... Her songwriting is beyond her years, her voice is beautiful, strong and distinct...in other words, simply annointed with a heart so sincere. Her name is Alexis Saski. Let's all get use to her name because before long everyone is going to know about her. I was very impressed and sent her an encouraging email to compliment her on her music and wish her well. Then I was telling my friends to check her out on myspace. Didn't put any thought into responding to her ad searching for band members.
Then i get a call from a really good bass player friend of mine to inform me that he auditioned and GOT it! I was so surprised at the news; especially since I just recently discovered her myself. I let him know i was really happy for him and bummed for me cuz i was going to ask him to join MY newly forming Christian band ..LOL. Then he proceeded to talk me into auditioning. He worked on convincing me for quite some time..
Soooooooo...I said, "hmm why not." I mean I won't know till I try and certainly wouldn't want to close any doors the Lord may be opening for me to grow and learn.
Meeting her last night was way better than I expected. I am really excited for her and where God is taking her with her music career. Her family is beautiful inside and out. We all seemed to hit it of very well...Spirit discerning Spirit I suppose.
My conclusion: I'm in! All in! I would be honored to be a part of this journey. Praying the Lords wisdom and guidance.
So, if you happen upon my post here. Please go check her out.. you will instantly love her!
www.myspace.com/alexisnsaskimusic
to be continued...
So, I ran across an amazing person while surfing the net the other day.. She is truly talented... Her songwriting is beyond her years, her voice is beautiful, strong and distinct...in other words, simply annointed with a heart so sincere. Her name is Alexis Saski. Let's all get use to her name because before long everyone is going to know about her. I was very impressed and sent her an encouraging email to compliment her on her music and wish her well. Then I was telling my friends to check her out on myspace. Didn't put any thought into responding to her ad searching for band members.
Then i get a call from a really good bass player friend of mine to inform me that he auditioned and GOT it! I was so surprised at the news; especially since I just recently discovered her myself. I let him know i was really happy for him and bummed for me cuz i was going to ask him to join MY newly forming Christian band ..LOL. Then he proceeded to talk me into auditioning. He worked on convincing me for quite some time..
Soooooooo...I said, "hmm why not." I mean I won't know till I try and certainly wouldn't want to close any doors the Lord may be opening for me to grow and learn.
Meeting her last night was way better than I expected. I am really excited for her and where God is taking her with her music career. Her family is beautiful inside and out. We all seemed to hit it of very well...Spirit discerning Spirit I suppose.
My conclusion: I'm in! All in! I would be honored to be a part of this journey. Praying the Lords wisdom and guidance.
So, if you happen upon my post here. Please go check her out.. you will instantly love her!
www.myspace.com/alexisnsaskimusic
to be continued...
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Movin' on
This year is a year of change and forward momentum for me personally. I gotta live like I'm dying.. life just flies by if I let it. My goal is to consitently be in the present working towards all the things that really matter to God. Keeping my eyes on where He is leading and many times sacrificing the things that I want...in the end, following after Him leads to the peace and joy that is completely freeing. He is first. My family is next and then those around me.
Gotta take care of my health...keep my home in order...devote time to my husband and kids...pursue the passions of my heart through music (however God wants).
Not saying it's always easy.... but God is faithful and gives me what i need for the moment. Choosing Him! ~anna
Gotta take care of my health...keep my home in order...devote time to my husband and kids...pursue the passions of my heart through music (however God wants).
Not saying it's always easy.... but God is faithful and gives me what i need for the moment. Choosing Him! ~anna
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)